New season, new rackets, and no more excuses: join Beaminster Tennis Club!

As the clocks change and we swap our gloomy Beaminster winter layers for slightly lighter gloomy Beaminster spring layers, it’s time to officially kick off the 2026/27 tennis season.

The Chairman is speaking… Our fearless leader, Gordon, has put down the “Loser’s Cup” (congratulations again to Gav, our reigning “massive tw*t” award winner) to remind everyone that subscriptions are now due. Whether you are a “golden oldie” who prefers the afternoon sun or a hardcore enthusiast willing to battle through a gale, now is the time to sign up.

Why join, why rejoin? If the thrill of the game isn’t enough, remember the perks of being a member of “Beaminster Weather Watch” — the premier WhatsApp group for people who spend 90% of their time discussing rain radars and the other 10% actually playing tennis.

By joining or renewing, you’ll get the “No Pay, No Play” guarantee: don’t be the star of Gordon’s proposed reality show about members who haven’t paid their fees.

You’ll also benefit from expert coaching and guidance: learn from the best, like Tristan, our junior prodigy who is currently beating everyone — including 16-year-olds — while the rest of us, nursing dodgy hamstrings and Covid paranoia, watch from the sidelines.

Facilities are improving too: we’ve cut the trees back, and we’re still looking for someone with a battery leaf blower to deal with the aftermath.

Legendary AGMs remain a highlight: where else can you discuss club maintenance while eating brioche, flapjacks, and cocktail sausages?

Thinking of joining? There has never been a better time to become a member. We promise we are a delightful and charming bunch — except perhaps when Gav is making dodgy line calls (though he has officially apologised for the last 12 years of those, citing a misunderstanding of physics).

New members get full access to our courts, the chance to join our Weather Watch community, and a shot at the Wimbledon ballot. Plus, if you're lucky, you might even get to join one of our famous away days to the lush grass courts of Cattistock.

The nitty-gritty is straightforward: full annual membership is £75 (April to April), the summer/winter season is £40, and guest fees are £5 for those out-of-towners or “Porta geezers” visiting from Portugal.

To pay, fill out the Membership form to ensure your GDPR and emergency contact details are up to date. You can then pay directly to Beaminster Tennis Club, sort code 30-91-21, account number 00595470.

We’ve found the keys, Steve has dropped off new tubes of balls, and the sun is occasionally out. See you on the court — unless it’s raining, in which case, see you on WhatsApp!

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