In a rare display of enthusiasm seldom seen for tennis, seven members of Beaminster Tennis Club have come together to do some basic maintenance of the courts. Giving up a few hours on a Saturday may not seem like much, but it is certainly more than the other seven members were prepared to do. Member Diana Clarke said, “I have my own private court to look after and it is already a lot. If anyone would like to play on it, please get in touch on 07457 756738.”

Ex chairman (name redacted for legal reasons) said, “unfortunately I couldn’t be arsed to turn up, but the club has recently been targeted by an extreme Christian cult who have been using fake tennis coaches to plunder the club’s supplies of biscuits, padlocks and brass handles. They have recently been evicted from neighbouring Bridport Tennis Club and are now concentrating on the Beaminster area, spreading their evil doctrine of actually being able to hit the ball back consistently and making the ‘C’ shape — thought to be a cult gang sign — in the air before shots.”

Head of the clean up operation, Andrea Smith, said, “It seems crazy a coach is using the courts, but people who may wish to join we can’t offer a coach to, and they are the ones potentially paying membership to get coached. I think we need to sort it out re timings and who has responsibility.”

Chairman Gordon Langley said, “Tennis is… a winter sport.” It is important that we use and protect these community resources or they will cease to exist and all we’ll be left with is AI, Tesco’s and Nigel Farage on Live TV banging on about immigrants whilst he fills his pockets with anything he can get his filthy little hands on. Tennis might seem like an elitist snooty sport but membership fees here are cheap as chips — just £10 for a year for juniors — and now we’ve just emptied the bins, it’s probably the best time of year to join.

Support your local tennis club or we’ll put your windows through (if you live nearby).

Random weather forecast

's potential weather in Beaminster.

Check again